Have you ever seen your ex lover live happier than they did when they were with you? Have you ever felt angry when you saw your ex was doing fine (even better) without you? Have you ever felt a bit annoyed when you saw your ex smile a lot when they were with their current lover? Well… Rena did.
Have you ever seen your ex lover live happier than they did when they were with you? Have you ever felt angry when you saw your ex was doing fine (even better) without you? Have you ever felt a bit annoyed when you saw your ex smile a lot when they were with their current lover? Well… I did. It happened to me a lot of time.
Jurina. That little brat! I want to smack her head every time she shows her lovey-dovey things with Mayuyu in front of me. I don’t know if she intentionally did it or not, but… I hate it. I’m not sure either why do I hate it. Well… maybe because I’m still single but the other hand… she already has someone to cling with.
Don’t get me wrong… I’m not jealous at her. But… maybe ‘envy’ is the most suitable word.
I broke up with her in about 7 months ago. The reason was… she often made me angry because she was always kissed and hugged many girls!! I always saw her clinging with many cute girls! I always said to her to not do that but she was ignored me… completely ignored me. She kept doing that and then I lost my temper… I slapped her face and we broke up on that night, on my birthday. That was really sucks.
Now, Jurina has been changed. I’m happy because of it, but the only thing that makes me annoyed is… she didn’t change because of me. I’m sad because she changed because of someone else, Mayuyu. It’s lucky for Mayuyu because she didn’t have to experience any bad things like I had in the past. Nowadays, Jurina only sticks with Mayuyu.
“Let’s go home.”
I snapped. Oh, it’s Yukirin. “Yeah.” I smile at her and then she helps me to stand up. Actually, I’m really tired now because we’ve been practiced our new AKB’s single for 3 hours straight. “But I want to go to the toilet first.”
“Okay, I’ll wait you in the car.” Yukirin gives a quick kiss on my cheek and after that she walks away.
I smile while seeing her slender body from behind. Well… I was saying that I’m still single, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have someone that close to me now. Yukirin and I became closer since a month ago. From the way she acts and the way she looks at me… I know that she likes me. It’s only a matter of time we will become couple, sooner or later she will come to me and ask me to be her girlfriend. I’m happy… Yukirin is a mature girl and she’s totally my type. She’s extremely gorgeous, but she’s not like Jurina… Jurina use her charm a lot to flirt other girls, but Yukirin… she’s only gluing her eyes on me.
I turn around and walk toward the door. When I’m about to open the door, I look at Jurina and Mayuyu because their voice distracting me. I have an eye contact with Jurina for a moment before I’m completely stepping out from the dressing room.
I walk slowly toward the toilet. I opened the door and no one in there. It’s great because I don’t have to queue. When I’m about to close the door… Jurina come from nowhere and her strong hand hold the door. I put all my strength to close the door but I can’t. Fuck. “What-do-you-want?”
Jurina smile at me like a puppy and I hate it because she looks extremely cute if she smiles like this. “It’s been a long time but you’re still cold toward me. Are you still angry at me?”
Yes, I’m still angry at her. Every time she showed her face in front of me… my blood boiled. But I won’t tell it to her because it only would bring a misunderstanding. “No. It’s simply because I don’t want to talk with you anymore, except for our job. Now, get out because Yurikin is waiting for me at the parking lot.” I try to push the door again but it doesn’t move at all because Jurina still gripped the door tightly.
Jurina’s cute smile is fading away and changing into a mischievous smirk. She pushes me inside the toilet room and then she steps into the toilet room. I gulp as I see her lock the door from inside. She quickly pinning me onto the wall near the sink. This is crazy. In a moment later, her face is approaching mine, slowly but sure.
“Rena, are you jealous?”
Oh God. I can feel her warm breath on my face… she’s too close. “Jealous? Pfft. Quit dreaming, Jurina. How many times I have to tell you that all the things between us are already over? Do I have to slap you once again to make you sure about it?”
Jurina glares at me and it makes me scared. She is staring at me for a few seconds. “Stay away from Yuki.” After she said it, she let go of my body and then she walks away without say anything again. She leaves me alone and dumbfounded inside the toilet room.
What exactly does she want?!
Jurina and I are in our way back to Nagoya after we stayed in Tokyo for a week. We had a hectic schedule since AKB and SKE released the new singles almost in the same time. As the aces of SKE and as the part of senbatsu member in AKB, we have to go back and forth from Nagoya to Tokyo.
I take a little glance at Jurina who sits beside me. She’s awake. It’s a bit strange because Jurina usually would always sleep in the train. ”Can you explain why you were asked me to stay away from Yuki?” I use this chance to ask her because it’s been bothering me a lot. “Are Yuki a bad girl or something?” I asked it without looked at her.
Jurina remains silent for a few seconds, but then she opens her lips. “No, she’s a really nice girl. Just forget what I said.”
“Okay.” I’m simply answered it. Actually, I feel relieved because Jurina said that Yuki is a nice girl… it would be bad if she told me that Yukirin is actually a player or something.
“Do you love her?” Jurina asked it out of the blue.
I look at her direction to see what face that she is wearing. Thankfully, Jurina’s expression looks okay. Well… it would be a different story if your ex asked to you whether you loved someone else in a sad face, isn’t it? “Yes.”
“I see.” Jurina nodded while saying it. “I love Mayuyu as well. So… the story between us is really over.” She looks at me in a serious expression and it makes me feel uneasy for some reason. “Listen, I want to say this since a long time ago, but I didn’t have a right time since you always wearing a hatred face every time you saw me. But now, I think I can talk freely since you are the first who start this conversation.” She stares at me… deep into my eyes. ”Don’t misunderstand me.”
I frown. “Sorry?”
She sighs and then she looks away. She rests her back comfortably on the seat while staring at the train’s ceilings. “When we were still a lover, I-”
“Here you go again.” I roll my eyes. “I’ve told you… it’s over. Please don’t dig our old story again, it’s already worn out.”
“Worn out.” Jurina snorted. “See? You always see me in a negative way. Don’t you hear what I said? Don’t misunderstand me. I really want to talk about something, so please don’t cut my words again, okay?”
I’m a bit surprised because the way Jurina speaks seems… more gentle and mature, it’s totally different from Jurina that I know. “Okay.”
“Good.” Jurina take a deep breath. “When we were still a lover, I did love you… I was deeply in love with you. You were always misunderstanding at me because I was so playful outside. Even though in the past I was always clinging with other young members, but my heart was still yours. I did it just because I want our kohai feels comfortable around me. No more and no less.”
Honestly, I really want to cut her words but I hold it back.
“You were always angry at me when I did a mistake, even if it was just a silly mistakes. I tried to understand you, so I was always smiling even when you raging on me, but later I found out that you thought that I ignored you when you were angry at me. Rena, even though I was smiling when you yell at me… I listened to your words carefully.” She smiles. “You were the one who had never listened to my explanation. You were always mad at me over and over again even though I already explained everything.”
Suddenly, I remember the moment she was late to pick me up for an hour because she had to buy lunch first. She didn’t have a time to have a lunch before because her schedule was quite hectic on that day… but yeah… I kept sulking and mad at her although she already explained everything.
“You know Rena… on the day you said that we should just be friends, somehow… I felt my whole world shined. When you said goodbye, did you hear me complain anything even though I did love you so much? No. It’s because I felt glad. You’ve made me felt caged before, but after that day I felt I could fly freely.”
I clench my fist but I keep trying to keep my mouth shut.
“Maybe you’ve been noticed that I’m not fooling around girls anymore. If you think it’s because of Mayuyu, you’re wrong… it’s because of you. I want to prove it to you that if only you didn’t break up with me 7 months ago, I could change and be a better girlfriend for you but… you were too impatient and full of anger. You always forgot the fact that I was so young and childish back then… we’re 6 years apart, Rena… yet you always forced me to grow up and mature like you at that time.”
I-it’s because of me? What?
“So… what I want to say here is… let’s stop being an enemy. In these past months, I always come to you… I’m not intending to bother you but I want us to be friends again. Even though we’re not a lover anymore, but I still care about you. We’ve been together since the very beginning of our career, so… let’s take care of each other more from now on. You are still the most important person in my life and it will never change, forever.”
I feel my knees become weak all of a sudden. Her long explanation makes me realize that I never listen to her, not even once. Suddenly, I feel guilt and… full of regret. “Jurina, I-” I want to say something but the loud voice of train operator cut my words, it tells us that we already arrived at our destination.
Jurina stands up. “I think that’s all. Thank you for listening me. See you tomorrow, Rena.”
I see her walking away and leaving me alone on the train. I touch my chest and I can feel my heartbeat is beating very fast. Did I… make a mistake? Did… break up with her was the worst decision that I’ve ever made in my life?
I feel my tears rolling down as I realize that all hatred that I have for her is a actually… love. I still love her.
It’s too late… regret always comes too late.
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